10:01 p.m. - 24 March 2003
I is for Impressions
I is for Impressions
I love and adore the Oscars, and I've always kept track of how my picks turned out. I also tend to have a conversation with myself about what's going on. This year I thought I'd share those impressions on my webpage, because I can.
8:33 Montage of 75 years of extraordinary filmmaking
Does every year have to start with a montage of almost always the same films? Wow, that's a big font behind the diamonds of films.
8:35 Do you have to announce the address of the theatre? And Steve Martin as host. A standing ovation for showing up? I'm not terribly impressed by the monologue, but it's better than the crap that Whoopi tried to pass off as humor last year. Why the big riff on Mickey Rooney? Does he have to heckle the audience? Why the hell did they just show JLo? Funny pan to Weinstein with the Miramax crack. Damn, Queen Latifah's boobs are huge. Unfunny thong joke. Unfunny gay jokes, period.
:45 What is a movie star? Ouch, Robert Blake joke, and Nick Nolte mug shot. Don't encourage Jack Nicholson and who did they show on that straight crack? Okay, it got better.
8:49 Cameron Diaz presents (and why her, exactly? GoNY?) Animated Feature
My pick: Lilo and Stitch
Winner: Did we need that accent? Spirited Away director not present.
8:51 Keanu Reeves (again, why?) presents Visual Effects
My pick: LotR
Winner: LotR (oops, they only want one person to speak, since they started the music after he was done)
8:54 Commercials (after the list of sponsors)
Okay, the Pepsi Carmen sucked.
8:56 Jennifer Connelly Best Supporting Actor (retrospective and presentation)
My pick: John C. Reilly
Winner: Chris Cooper (how sweet that he gets choked up when speaking to his wife)
9:01 Jennifer Lopez (I don't think many audiences were "dazzled" by Maid in Manhattan and there's a t in Mountain) presents Art Direction
My pick: LotR
Winner: Chicago (just get on stage already, you can hug everyone after the damn show and they're already kissing Rob Marshall's ass)
9:04 Steve Martin introduces John Travolta (J Pez)
9:05 John Travolta introduces "I Move On" by Catherine Zeta-Jones and Queen Latifah (why not Renee?) They'd probably dance if CZJ wasn't hugely pregnant though she doesn't look it and they sound great
9:06 Go to commercials, but do they have to show what we just saw Chris Cooper winning
9:13 War with Iraq update
9:15 Steve Martin's mike didn't cut in early enough introduces Jennifer Garner & Mickey to present (introed as a black actor) she'll never live this down, she didn't say anything Animated Short
My pick: Mike's New Car
Winner: The Chubbchubbs! (what a silly name)
9:18 Jennifer Garner presents Live Action Short
My pick: This Charming Man
Winner: This Charming Man (why are the winners all the way in the back? at least there's no Toth like last year, but the Danish guy isn't as funny as he thinks)
9:21 Mira Sorvino presents Costume Design (trips over aesthetically)
My pick: Chicago
Winner: Chicago (why did they put her in the middle of the row, and again, hug everyone after the damn show and get on the damn stage already the show will be long enough as it is) More Rob Marshall kissing up and you'd think a Costume designer would have a better dress
9:24 Brendan Fraser introduces Lord of the Rings as a Best Picture nominee (love the clip of Gollum/Smeagol I guess since Serkis didn't get a nod)
9:26 Commercials
9:28 Steve Martin introduces Paul Simon to perform "Father and Daughter" he's still in denial about how much hair he's lost, and I'm not particularly enthused about the song
9:33 Nia Vardalos presents Makeup
My pick: Frida
Winner: Frida (Jeebus, the show will last forever if these people dont start hustling to get their asses on stage they're a little scary with the call and response speech)
9:36 Steve Martin (unfunny car joke) introduces Sean Connery (wearing an unfortunately ruffled shirt) to present Supporting Actress (retrospective first)
My pick: Catherine Zeta-Jones
Winner: Catherine Zeta-Jones (Scotsman giving the Welshie an award and no overly effusive Rob Marshall ass-kissing lovely accent though)
9:42 Commercials (again with do we need a recap of what just happened?)
9:45 Matthew McConaghey introduces Gangs of New York as Best Picture nominee
9:47 Steve Martin (riff on JLo and Connery) introduces Kate Hudson for Scientific and Technical Awards recap
9:49 Renee Zellwegger (with a stick up her ass, apparently) to present Musical Score
My pick: Frida
Winner: Frida (Elliot Goldenthal, who is a little scary looking and unwilling to get off the stage)
9:51 Julie Andrews (who gets a standing ovation) introduces an Oscar performance retrospective (which would have been better if it wasn't Ethel Merman singing)
9:55 Commercials
9:58 Steve Martin introduces Salma Hayek to present Foreign Film
My pick: El Crimen
Winner: Nowhere in Africa (director not present)
10:01 Julianne Moore (unfortunately not quite ready for her cue) to present Sound
My pick: LotR
Winner: Chicago (they have got to stop putting these folks in the back of the damn theatre, and start making them hurry the hell up or we'll be here forever)
10:04 Julianne Moore to present Sound Editing
My pick: LotR
Winner: LotR (nice clip of the sound while they waited for them to get to the stage; hurry up, even if you are vaguely amusing with the stuttering, etc)
10:07 Steve Martin introduces Gael Garcia Bernal to introduce "Burn it Blue" from Frida (and make a war statement) performed by some guy and Leela Downs(?) (eh, the song is just kind of okay, but it gets a huge reaction because the movie is all Salma Hayek's baby)
10:12 Commercials
10:15 War with Iraq update (very brief)
10:16 Hillary Swank to introduce The Hours as Best Picture nominee
10:18 Diane Lane (who is a stick) to present Feature Documentary
My pick: Bowling for Columbine
Winner: Bowling for Columbine (who gets a standing ovation, but I'm a little afraid of what he'll say he invited all the documentary nominees onstage; fictitious times gets booed loudly and musiced offstage, so I was right to be afraid)
10:22 President of something to present Documentary Short
My pick: Twin Towers
Winner: Twin Towers (why did he thank Maury Povich?)
10:24 Steve Martin (Teamsters helping Michael Moore into truck of limo) to introduce Julia Roberts (close personal fantasy)
10:25 Julia Roberts to present Cinematography
My pick: Chicago
Winner: Road to Perdition (posthumously, accepted by son in a very touching speech)
10:27 Kathy Bates (agent gets his wings) to introduce Oscar winners: what it's like to win
10:31 Commercials
10:34 Steve Martin to introduce Colin Farrell (who's probably closer to rehab than Steve Martin realizes)
10:35 Colin Farell to introduce U2 to perform "The Hands that Built America" from Gangs of New York (isn't it a little weird to have a band from Ireland to sing about building America, even if it's about Irish immigrants? The song is nice, even if I could do without Bono groaning)
10:39 Geena Davis (wearing oddly tinted glasses) to present Editing
My pick: The Hours
Winner: Chicago (but we have to wait for him to get through the gauntlet of Chicago people and for the inevitable Rob Marshall asskissing; you can tell he's nervous)
10:42 Susan Sarandon (flashing the peace sign, let's hope that's all we get and with an unfortunate hairstyle) to introduce the In Memoriam (or, I see dead people) which I always wish they'd mute the audience for because the rising and falling applause is annoying, but I'm glad that for some of the less well-known people, there are hints to what they did
10:46 Commercials
10:50 Steve Martin (people you think are dead but aren't) introduces Halle Berry
10:51 Halle Berry to present Best Actor (retrospective)
My pick: Adrien Brody (because I'm not particularly thrilled about any of them and he reminds me of someone I once knew)
Winner: Adrien Brody (who immediately said holy shit and gets a standing ovation and makes out with Halle Berry; funny and nervous and earnest but gets the music to stop to talk about the sadness and repercussions of war and gets another standing ovation)
10:58 Dustin Hoffman to introduce The Pianist as Best Picture nominee
11:01 Barbra Streisand (carrying something weird) to present Best Song (so there's just no performance of Lose Yourself? That's probably best)
My pick: Hands that Built America
Winner: Lose Yourself (what is the world coming to that Eminem wins an Oscar and who is this guy? And Cameron, dear, close your mouth while you're chewing gum)
11:04 Steve Martin to introduce Meryl Streep
11:05 Meryl Streep to present the honorary Oscar to Peter O'Toole (I'm watching this retrospective, and I'm not sure if I've ever seen an entire Peter O'Toole movie)
11:10 Peter O'Toole to accept his Oscar (although I seem to recall that he didn't want it at first, but changed his mind) standing ovation, of course. Witty and charming and a lovely accent (nice crowd shots of "the young," except I probably wouldn't have included Cameron Diaz). And best of all, he kept it reasonably short.
11:14 Commercials (again with the recap, although, this one is actually joyful and lovely)
11:18 Denzel Washington to present Best Actress (retrospective)
My pick: Nicole Kidman
Winner: Nicole Kidman (by a nose, Denzel says) Speechless and crying, but funny about it; those sleeves look cool, but are probably pretty impractical, and show how stick-like her arms are; art is important and her teeth look oddly blue. Not particularly eloquent or cohesive, but a nice bit at the end about making her mother proud
11:24 Steve Martin to introduce Frank Pearson, president of the Academy
11:24 Retrospective of Academy presidents on TV (50 years on TV); get men and women home soon on personal note, peace soon to Iraqi people. Introduce Olivia de Havilland
11:27 Olivia de Havilland (standing ovation; why do they keep showing Cameron Diaz? She's not that freaking attractive. And Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford are just creepy together) speaking very slowly and deliberately to introduce past Oscar winners on stage (introduced one by one, this'll take forever, although it is nice to see some of the winners from years past; I didn't know Chloris Leachman had an Oscar; does Jack Nicholson ever take those damn sunglasses off? Did they have to point out the oldest Oscar winner onstage?)
11:38 Commercials (another recap)
11:43 Richard Gere to introduce Chicago as Best Picture nominee; CZJ has her Oscar in her lap
11:45 Steve Martin to introduce Marcia Gay Harden
11:46 Marcia Gay Harden to present Adapted Screenplay
My pick: Chicago
Winner: The Pianist (Roman Polanski deserves it, not him; short and sweet)
11:48 Ben Affleck (whom I'd forgotten was an Oscar winner) to present Original Screenplay
My pick: My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Winner: Talk to Her (which means he won't win director, and this is his first Oscar? I thought he'd won a couple for foreign films); Expensive to breathe, very nice written statement
11:51 Commercials
11:55 Harrison Ford to present Best Director
My pick: I can't decide between Rob Marshall and Martin Scorcese
Winner: Roman Polanski (Holy shit I can't believe they actually gave it to him. Martin Scorcese gives him a standing ovation; he obviously didn't appear to accept it; some booing)
11:57 Kirk and Michael Douglas to present Best Picture (to be 75 again, here to bring tomorrow's headline and to speak distinctly)
My pick: Chicago
Winner: Chicago (It's only supposed to be the producer, but Harvey Weinstein is bodily shoving Rob Marshall onto stage as well; the producer is kissing his ass as well)
12:02 Steve Martin (halfway mark: thanking Spielberg because it can't hurt; thanking men/women overseas).
Overall impressions: I was definitely surprised by a couple of the winners; I suspect that Polanski won because the vote got split between Marshall and Scorcese. I dont know why Adrien Brody won, but he gave the best acceptance speech by far. This is the first time that I can recall winners not being present, and there were several tonight; I'm still in shock that Eminem won an Oscar, especially because I think Hands that Built America is a better song. I'm glad that Jack Nicholson didn't win again, because he doesn't really need another one; he's violent towards women; and he keeps playing the same damn character over and over again. I suspect I'll be renting The Pianist as soon as it comes out on DVD.
How'd I do this year? I picked 12 of 24, which is about how I usually do. Some of the minor categories are often a crapshoot, anyway. I picked 4 of the "Big 6": Actor/Actress, Supporting Actor/Actress, Director, and Picture. Not bad, especially since I really just picked Adrien Brody out of my ass. And now, I'm off to bed.
This has been an entry for AlphaBytes. I'm working my way through the alphabet backwards just because I can.
