10:03 p.m. - 18 April 2003
D is for Denial
D is for Denial
I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of "ignore it and it will go away." Except of course, it never does, whether that be this space, taxes (don't panic! I paid them, I just haven't gotten around to figuring out how to send in the form that NC requires for electronic filing -- but they've sent our refund [all $4], so I'm not overly anxious about it), work, etc.
Really what it means is that I am the world's worst procrastinator. Nina can tell you how often I would wait until the night before a paper was due to even start on it, although in high school I regularly woke up at 5:30 to write papers that were due by 9. And I had to get ready for school and sit through Spanish in those few hours, too. Timeliness was never a strong suit.
Even now, I tend to let the housework go until I'm just absolutely fed up with things. We generally clean fairly vigorously before we have company (and especially before we went to Disney World), but most days we're just too tired to do anything other than take a pass through the kitchen to keep it mostly sanitary and plunk our butts in front of our respective computers. The extra daylight is helping me a little, but it's still a struggle to do anything productive.
But for someone raised Catholic, denial walks hand-in-hand with guilt, and I'm afraid that although I've tried, guilt does not go away if you ignore it. Guilt tends to burrow into you a little bit deeper each time you try to pretend it doesn't exist. And truth be told, guilt is the best motivator for me. Just don't tell my husband.
This has been an entry for AlphaBytes. I'm working my way through the alphabet backwards just because I can.
